Hubris am not–at least not today.

I have this need
well belief really
that I simply must be 
the number one person 
there for every friend in need.

What this means is that
I put myself second
I drop all my needs
and make it so that 
others see me as important.

It's this old habit
that I know is not working,
yet makes me feel so good
when I practice it.

I am only human,
Yet, I still put myself out there
ready for you all whenever and for whatever.

Progress has been made
I have gained balance
I have learned to take care of myself first
that others are not my responsibility, 
but when something happens
like unexpected and dramatic
my first instinct is to dive
in front of you to protect you
to love you
to be your number one.

I do it with ease
completely blind
that I'm actually acting upon
unhealthy old habits and not really out of love.
Though I tell myself that it's love
every time.

I can be there 
and take care of myself
I can love you
and love me
I can live in balance 
because you are not my responsibility.
But--
I do love you 
and will be there.
I will allow others 
to share this with you.
It doesn't mean I love you less.
It doesn't mean you love me less.

You see I have this need
to be your number one.
But perhaps I am your number one
without having to sacrifice my sanity for it.

I have this need
to let go and see 
the line of where I end
and you begin.
Seeing this line clearly
doesn't mean I love you less
or you love me less.

No, 
It means that I am using sanity to look at you and me.

13thfloorparadigm