It’s spooky season. You know – the period between October 1st and Thanksgiving, featuring Halloween, scary movies, darkness by 5 p.m., and all the monsters your imagination can conjure. 

I recently found myself drained, on the verge of illness, exhausted, and unable to participate in daily functions at my own standards of presence and worth. It made no sense; after all, I have been a warrior in my embodied life practices. Dance and yoga work: lit up! Writing practice – check! Meditation, yes yes yes! My sleep game? Eh? It’s aight. So where’s the leak?

Energy Vampires. One, in particular.

Energy Vampires are the people who will suck the energy, the light, the vibration right out of you, smiling happily as they lap it up. They have no idea what they are doing to you, or do they? They are simply getting what they need. And, damnit, we – the carriers of energetic light – are complicit in their feast. We say yes to their seasonal, unreasonable demands. After all, they are just so nice about it. It’s hard to say “No” to say no to nice. 

I first received a warning to avoid Energy Vampires from a grad school advisor, Pete Hocking. He noted that they will come out of the woodwork now that I had endeavored to invest in myself. He wasn’t wrong. He suggested setting up clear times of availability for others, and to simply be “unavailable”, “in class”, or “studying for school” outside of those times. In essence, he suggested setting clear boundaries.

It worked well in grad school.

In the year+ since graduating, I have re-committed to boundary work, even sharing my experiences and modules for setting, maintaining, respecting, interrogating, and removing boundaries with clients. I have been modeling healthy behaviors and practicing what I preach to others. My dialogue with clients has been rooted in shared experiences on the path – not hypocritically tasking others (1). It was going swimmingly until this weekend. 

Friday evening, I joined a women’s circle hosted by a mom-friend and her colleague. But, Friday evenings are our family’s time to do nothing, nada, zip, zilch. We Netflix and chill. We relax. We do not do. Instead, after a week spent pouring our energy into our clients, friends, and each other, we allow ourselves to recoup and refresh. 

But, I said yes. My first mistake. The first bite.

I participate in another women’s group; we meet on full moons to share stories from our lives, seek and offer advice, and celebrate each other. It’s easy. It’s rejuvenating. I hoped the gathering last weekend would be similarly replenishing. It wasn’t. 

The women I met are all fantastic humans, who I genuinely look forward to knowing better. They aren’t the problem; it was the setup. 

I was set up. And, I didn’t enforce my boundaries.

During the gathering, each guest was invited to share an experience, poem, song, or any sort of offering. My mind and gut were screaming, “Go inside! You’re too tired to do this! Don’t do this work right now!” And my mouth said, “I didn’t prepare anything, so I’d like to lead us in some release work – a form of therapeutic tapping – and then guide us into either a stretch or improvised movement. You’ll follow your body’s lead when we get there.” I just offered to facilitate a group session? Doh! Another bite.

10-15 minutes later, everyone is emotionally open, physically relaxed, and spiritually ready for the next thing. They’re looking at me. Goddamnit. 

I held my silence this time.

A beautiful voice started singing. Saved by the angelic voice of reason, calling forth riotous outrage and wisdom with her words. Damn, she could SANG! 

Cracked open myself, I hear my voice offering a release + ignite ritual as a means of closing. I scurry in for supplies. At this point, I’m offering facilitation, methods, and supplies freely and joyfully; and, the complex, contradictory truth: now, I am complicit. Full feast. 

We complete the ritual – first burning the tasks, feelings, and ideas that hold us back – and then igniting those that will set us free. Glorious.

When the others have left, and the host and I are cleaning up the last items, she thanked me saying, “I knew if I just got you in the room… you might… would…  just do what you do!” 

Set up. Energetically sucked dry. And all I had to do was say, “No”. 

I can’t draw from an empty well. And, my energetic well was dry before the gathering; I paid for my overdraft mightily in the following days. 

Overdraft fees are expensive. Brain fog, fatigue, joint pain, headaches. These are the fees extracted from my body and spirit when I don’t respect my time and energy. 

Watch out, fellow lightbringers. It’s Spooky Season. Set your boundaries and enforce them; otherwise, you attract the Energy Vampires to your flame. Vampires are going to do what they do naturally. Learn the lesson: honor your “Yes!” by courageously saying “No.” 

And remember, niceness is often how they get you; after all, it’s just so nice to be invited to a feast.

(1) A fantastic resource for understanding boundaries is Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace and the accompanying workbook, The Set Boundaries Workbook.