Illustration by Jill Kimura
Written by Sonia Chintha
Edited by Andrea Nevin & Parivash Fahim Goff
There is a pinkish-purple mark on the outside
where my uterus used to be.
Rows of tiny black dots push through the hue
like the pages of a bullet journal.
I blink. Slowly at first, then faster
squint, tilt my head one way, then the other.
Exhale silently.
I am different now.
The flap of skin and fat that hangs slightly above the incision is still there; the days that follow are a time lapse of the shrinking bruise and a tornado of ideas. I want to be an assistant principal. I want to dismantle and rebuild systems of power in schools. I learn French on an app. I paint. I plan to write a book of poems. I restart the Good Little Girls Zine.
The events that unfold post op, however, squeeze the emotions out of me. From sleepless nights of “who am i’s” to long, loud cries and convincing myself, I have it in me to end my life.
I had to face myself.
Stay in front of the mirror.
Assess myself now.
Five months have passed since those days of cyclone-like mental energy. I stand back up, the fire inside a soft glow, I can breathe again–audibly.
I am–a woman
sans uterus:
same
different.
Today I choose my renaissance, instead of external validation. My rebirth is an internal trophy: a reflection of all the good I’ve done in this world. A woman’s value is the art she makes. The learning opportunities she creates for her students and loved ones. The feelings she allows herself to have–low and high. The fight to live a life that is underrepresented in her society. I do not know where this will take me. What matters to me is that I, Sonia, take it back: my life, my dreams, my value.
I am a woman,
no uterus,
no fallopian tubes.
I am a woman,
my words are bricks
they rebuild
a freer me–
in any way I choose.
A free woman
ready
to tear down the systems of patriarchal power
by sharing
the internal power
of the narrative
of women: trans and cis.
A Woman Reborn is about the small moments that carry a large impact. The waiting, the freedom, the comeback, the redefining. We hope it resonates with you, but more than that, I hope it makes you face your feelings and see your prestige.
To all the women in my life who have lifted me the fuck up this year, I dedicate this issue to you: A Woman Reborn.
