I walk through the park yearning to feel
I allow myself to move for hours

step.

step.

step.

I embrace everything:
the wind swinging, the leaves crunching, the frosty breath leaving.
and nothing.

I invite the emptiness
my body, my veins, my pulse, my blood aching
to greet, reunite with the familiar feeling.
I cater to this guest, let it roam my mind,
let it whisper, creak around my floorboards.

Swayed by this visitor, I let my feet take me to an eroded statue
As I stare at the fallen angel, at myself, I remember
the early mornings I sat on my cold bathroom floor,
the frantic nights waking up realizing it was only me there,
the interminable walks, screaming to the trees, hoping for something–anything back
every moment I felt desperate, deserted, empty.

The memories flood me as I feel the pull of the past
My eyes remind me of my surroundings
and as the tears fall down my face, I realize it’s time
I open the door and let it all go.

Now I know
This guest of mine is welcome
for it belongs here in this lonely home
But I can’t let it linger, become an unsolicited guest, take control

With bated whispers, we say our farewells and I shut the door.