Disclaimer: By an auntie-ji who knows nothing, except she did get married in her thirties so that may count for something, but in truth she knows nothing…
- When signing up for on-line dating sites, use the ones that you pay for to subscribe. Why you ask? I’m single income here, ain’t nobody got money to waste on that! Because when a person has to pay to be on a site there’s a different level of commitment needed entirely for her/him to be there. Thus, it can be helpful to know that the people on this site are possibly more serious. [Except that there are no guarantees. So like I said, I know nothing.]
- Change the demographic of the person whom you usually look for. This means you have to take a stern look at yourself and ask: What do I really want here? Genuinely look for a person who has roots: owns a car, a pet, a house, a condo, something that shows this person is not bouncing around or worse “in-between” something, anything. I know what you are thinking: that’s super prejudice, we live in 2016; I’m a borderline millennial. Yes to all of that, my point is we sometimes look in the wrong places. So then, how to look in the right places? What is the right place? [Shit, I don’t know.] Change your plan is all I’m saying. Change your usual suspects and see what you find. This may mean you have to look for someone a little older than your usual go-to’s; it may mean look for someone more established in her/his career; it doesn’t matter, just change it up. [Again, this is not gospel, but ask yourself this: how has my usual demographic done? So in conclusion…sift through the prospects.]
- Be disciplined with your communication. You have the upper hand, well wait I can’t say that definitively, but believe that you have it. Even if you don’t think you do, act like you do. What does this mean? Don’t over text or under text, be yourself. Don’t play games–the worst of them “hard to get”. Be real. This one is a tough one as most of us are addicted to our phones and stopping what we are doing to respond to a text is the norm, but I say what if you didn’t. What if you continued said activity and check your phone at a different time? [Okay wait this turned into more of a soapbox, what are we really doing with our lives and our addiction to these devices. Alas.]
- Take your time. Sometimes we start thinking about our age and then succumbing to the pressure that at this age we should have this; at that age we must be here. Blah, blah, blah. All things come apart and come back together. Allow yourself time to build a foundation. Take it slow. Practice patience. In our world of instant everything, it would be such a gift to yourself if you practiced patience. [But then there are those who met, got married, and have a child in a year and are happy for it. So what do I know?]
- Stop comparing. Comparison is the thief of joy. I wish I was smart enough to craft that, but alas I know nothing. Stay focused on yourself, your life, your needs. Look into meditation to help discipline your mind. Look into reframing your thoughts the moment you have a comparing, woe is me type of thought. Look into journaling and being confident in your solitude. [This one I can’t disclaim. This shit is gospel. Live by it and you’ll win at everything. You’re welcome!]
