Woman
Daughter 
Sister 
Middle-child
Indian
Christian

Kind
Helpful
Self-sacrificing
Self-sufficient
Submissive
Obedient

Good grades
College
Career
Marriage
Babies
More babies

Cook, clean, work, work, work
Help, help, HELP!
YOU’VE GOT TO!

My inner voice sounds eerily like my mother’s
The ever present watchdog, ensuring I meet all those
Expectations

The boundaries, inherited from generations before, woman to woman
Once a comforting guardrail, I feel them closing in on me now
My jaw clenches tight, I struggle to take a deep breath
It used to feel easy to color within these lines, I’m restless, uncomfortable
I push back, put a little weight into it, the slightest tremor in my voice

This isn’t fair! 
This isn’t who I am!
This is not who I want to be!
I push harder, my breath comes faster, my voice louder
NO, NO, NO!  HELP, HELP, HELP!
I put all my weight behind it
I know they’re disappointed, I’m filled with uncertainty, did I push too hard?

The walls crack, everyone is angry, they look the other way
I’m guilty, no longer quiet, compliant, no longer the “good girl”
The walls are crumbling, falling around me, I keep pushing

My posture straightens, my shoulders move away from my ears
I breathe more deeply and look ahead at the unknown
I feel the smallest spark of hope, my breath slows, and my mind quiets
As I lean into that void, I can feel a slight breeze, cool against my skin
I close my eyes, step forward and spread my wings
I float away feeling weightless from the absence of all those
Expectations