I wish I could let go of you
You with your crushing sarcasm
laughing at it all like it’s no big deal–
to treat me without respect.
I wish I let go of you
You with your crushing negativity
the kind that envelopes all whom you
contact
It’s true–I love and want to love you
for all that you are and all that you are not
It’s part of my nature to find it endearing
you endearing for all that you are and are not.
I wish I could
just
let
go
My brain may not be built that way on some days
It takes practice I guess to change the workings of it.
I look back at a year’s worth of
working on finding respect and love for you
I look back, yet it’s clear it doesn’t matter to you
It doesn’t matter that you were accepted and revered by me!
My intensity scares you,
I now know
My ability to be outrageously me, regardless of company
must seem completely ridiculous and annoying at times
I’ll admit it
It’s important that I let go, however
it is important for me to move forward
toward my truth and light
I may be no better than you
because I may feel the need to feel superior, too.
I may be no better
because I may feel the need to judge too
It all sits heavy on repeat, shuffled around
in my brain unable to unwind and straighten
but perhaps there’s beauty in the tangle
the desire to let go entwined with the need to work it out.
So I watch it, hold it, and slowly open my fingers to release the tangle…
Scream: Unbecoming
May 18, 2024
