Light

Illustration by Sonia Chintha

Divorced and alone,
with nowhere to go
I found myself on a tiny island
the water rose around me,
washing away the shore
I pulled the pin, threw the grenade,
and shrouded myself,
standing on that deserted island,
no bonfire to signal for rescuers.

Then,
A
genuine surprise:
the women in my life
rallied
fought away the rising tide.

after hearing my car crash and crumble
from a 1000 miles away,
My mother appeared on my doorstep,
held my bruised and broken body.
I sobbed in her arms, while she soothed me with her words.

Then
Little sister became big,
seamlessly switched roles.
while I behaved recklessly,
she guided me.
Gently, judgement free
reminded me that I have the right to have fun
to meet new people
to find the joy in my new life
she reminded me how to stay true to myself.   
Devonee is the woman I look to as the measure
of whether or not I am being valued
she is my barometer for making decisions.

Optimism,
a giant smile,
and a warm hug.  
This is Alexandra.
in the darkest of days.  
No half-assed scheme of mine
will prevent her from cheering me on.
She makes me believe that I can conquer the world
and she loves me –
in a way that I’ve never been able to love myself.

Shannon the realist,
approaches obstacles
with logic and dark humor.  
Cruising through the Rockies,
belting out Celine Dion,
eating overpriced, gourmet gummy worms
she reminds me not to take myself so seriously
and to see the entire picture.
She levels my manic, soothes me back to sane.

Faith showed me the spirit’s ability to
persevere despite awful
circumstances.  
Teaching me the value of one’s self
and faith in something greater,
she is the loving, caring woman
I hope to be when I grow up.

Charise showed me how to love myself.
She raves over my hair,
makeup,
outfit,
brain.
She taught me to be confident in who I am,
in the decisions I’ve made,
in the life I’ve chosen.  
Despite her own darkness,
she shines light into my soul with every smile she shares.

with a shared love of inappropriate humor,
Natalie highlights all the good
that will come from change.
Always pushing to be better,
she’s the dreamer,
the confidant,
the woman who never fails
to push me to the next level.  

Perfection is a myth,
Ana tells me
she knows I am
doing my absolute best.  
Never letting me forget that laundry will wait,
she insists we make the most of our time together.
So we brunch,
and we hike,
and we run through the park laughing at the absurdity of life.
My daughter continues to teach me
the value of living our lives while we can.

Phenomenal women,
each ran a relay handing off the light to the other,
and
little by little,
rescued me from my sinking island,
saved my precious life.